Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
bring money and cleavage
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
