I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
