ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
