I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
