i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
