can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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