What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
