That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
