I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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