This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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