Ambien. No doubt about it.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
