I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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