I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
