i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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