so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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