Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
