I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
