Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's rum buckets o'clock
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
