I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
