No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
