if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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