I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
