well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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