Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
