I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
