hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
