yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
