i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
