So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Randomize
