alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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