there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
