the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
