Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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