I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
