my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
