I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
