Plan B is the new Plan A
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
