I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
