fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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