Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize