fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
