Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
