Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
