Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize