once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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