Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
