glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She even gives head with a lisp.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
