i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
