New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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