I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
