I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
