my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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