That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
