how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I came so hard my ears popped.
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