He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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