i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
