You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
