you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
