i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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