My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
