I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
