we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
