At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
