Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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