I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
