So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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