I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We need to get me chipped asap
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