I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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