i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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